Well… where can I start???

To tell the truth I don’t know it mysel… I have decided to open this blogger account to write down everything that I feel without having to take care with… don;t know maybe hurting anyone.

I am married and have a cute 9 month old son and a wife that I love so much!

If life was only that it would be perfect…

The fact is that I am currently unimployed, leaving in my in laws house, in a country that is not mine (I am brazilian… living in the UK), none of my friends lives here, no one I can just open up myself and just say everything that is bothering me… just take it out of my system.

They say the human been needs at least 3 psychological support points. I can’t seem to finde mine… It should be my family… but my wife’s current state (she is suffering a severe post natal depression… well it is a lot better now than it was just 3 months ago, but it is still pretty tough) and A Demmandig son (my fault… we spoiled him to much) woun’t let it happen… still… I can find comfort in some memories. Tommy’s face smiling and laughing and even sleeping, Vic’s smile, cuddling up with her and just forget the world in that embrace… so long ago… It still happens some times… but are rare now the night she goes to sleep without crying… or having her medicine to sleep.

And I have to be strong… Not only for me… but for her as well. God… I love her so much!

I can’t even find energy in the God that helped me so many times… I can’t feel Him… I can’t reach him… I’ve been needing it so much…

Never been able to find any support on my family… Don;t ask me why… to ling story… maybe someday I’ll tell it… ar a bit at the time.

Well… and so that is how it beggins…

I hope as I write, life progresses in a mositive way… I hope, as I write I can good more good news than bad news… I hope as it progresses, I can say I am home! I hope as it progresses I can say, I’m ok… I hope as it progresses, I can tell Vic is well… that she doesn’t cry at night anymore… that I feel safe… That I have strength to live my life. To be who I can be. To lead my family well and to be able to give them a good life…

That hope is what makes me survive day by day. Faith I suppose… Faith…

Well…