Butterfly Effect (Not the movie! :P)
Last Updated on 01 July 2009
Written by UrbanVox
I’ve once heard someone say that life is what we make out of it.
If that is the absolute truth then I must be the biggest self saboteur in the world!
And yet, somehow, I get by…
The truth is that I seem to be always in waters that are deeper than my footing… I can hardly remember a day in my life where I’ve been in a situation where I have been 100% comfortable with a situation or another. And as I grew and became an adult things seem to have intensified.
For a start, I never had a 9-to-5 sort of job. I don’t really think I could have survived the boredom of one. My family has 200000000 political connections in Brazil and my grandmother and grandfather (RIP) used to beg me (and all the new generation of the family) to get into the public sector, an idea that I would probably like if it didn’t involve spending a few years working for some senator or deputado (same as an MP) to “acquire experience”… The fact is that a desk job would probably kill me.
But what does one do when a stressful one would probably have the same effect?!?!
I am here sitting at the Starbucks in Wimbledon and looking to all these people walking and going to their offices and living their routine-bound lives… routines that some time bring so much excitement at something that from someone outside their circle might look like a small achievement or a huge one for others… and I can’t stop to think “how do they do it??” and a bit inside of me can’t stop to wonder in amazement and to wish I too could have a life like that.
I have dreams… loads of them… but I also have a family to provide for and that fact alone makes me realize that I can’t achieve most of them. I am eternally grateful for my wife. She even started working and became the pillar of the family providing for the basic needs of the family so I can get out there and pursue these dreams. It would have worked too… I had a contract with an agency to be a glamour photographer and a career that seemed to be lifting off… And I dropped it to become a minister of religion… a religion that I am not completely sure I completely subscribe to anymore.
Does that prove my self sabotage theory???
And of course re-lifting myself as a photographer is proving harder than last time… all a question of opportunities and well… luck I guess. The perfect circumstances that had presented themselves favourable to me at that time are not so favourable this time around and the contacts I had then seem to have all but disappeared from the face of the earth!
Yeah… and there is the family business factor too… One that I can’t JUST walk away from. That would be admitting defeat and that is just something I don’t know if I can do again if I am to EVER have some cred with myself again.
I am SO complicated…
Life is what we make out of it alright… It is all about the decisions we make and the ways we take.
I am nearly 30 years old and having to start all over again…
That’s NOT what I had imagined my life would be when I was younger…
But a men has got to do what a men has got to do!!!
How about you?? Have you ever considered what would have happened if you had taken a different approach to one of these infamous opportunities that present themselves to us? What would YOU have done differently???#
Zya!
I’ve once heard someone say that life is what we make out of it.
If that is the absolute truth then I must be the biggest self saboteur in the world!
And yet, somehow, I get by…
The truth is that I seem to be always in waters that are deeper than my footing… I can hardly remember a day in my life where I’ve been in a situation where I have been 100% comfortable with a situation or another. And as I grew and became an adult things seem to have intensified.
For a start, I never had a 9-to-5 sort of job. I don’t really think I could have survived the boredom of one. My family has 200000000 political connections in Brazil and my grandmother and grandfather (RIP) used to beg me (and all the new generation of the family) to get into the public sector, an idea that I would probably like if it didn’t involve spending a few years working for some senator or deputado (same as an MP) to “acquire experience”… The fact is that a desk job would probably kill me.
But what does one do when a stressful one would probably have the same effect?!?!
I am here sitting at the Starbucks in Wimbledon and looking to all these people walking and going to their offices and living their routine-bound lives… routines that some time bring so much excitement at something that from someone outside their circle might look like a small achievement or a huge one for others… and I can’t stop to think “how do they do it??” and a bit inside of me can’t stop to wonder in amazement and to wish I too could have a life like that.
I have dreams… loads of them… but I also have a family to provide for and that fact alone makes me realize that I can’t achieve most of them. I am eternally grateful for my wife. She even started working and became the pillar of the family providing for the basic needs of the family so I can get out there and pursue these dreams. It would have worked too… I had a contract with an agency to be a glamour photographer and a career that seemed to be lifting off… And I dropped it to become a minister of religion… a religion that I am not completely sure I completely subscribe to anymore.
Does that prove my self sabotage theory???
And of course re-lifting myself as a photographer is proving harder than last time… all a question of opportunities and well… luck I guess. The perfect circumstances that had presented themselves favourable to me at that time are not so favourable this time around and the contacts I had then seem to have all but disappeared from the face of the earth!
Yeah… and there is the family business factor too… One that I can’t JUST walk away from. That would be admitting defeat and that is just something I don’t know if I can do again if I am to EVER have some cred with myself again.
I am SO complicated…
Life is what we make out of it alright… It is all about the decisions we make and the ways we take.
I am nearly 30 years old and having to start all over again…
That’s NOT what I had imagined my life would be when I was younger…
But a men has got to do what a men has got to do!!!
How about you?? Have you ever considered what would have happened if you had taken a different approach to one of these infamous opportunities that present themselves to us? What would YOU have done differently???#
Zya!
Comments
What you really mean is that you’re lucky enough to have a wife who’s put up with your crap for the last five years and will continue to do so – and I’m only talking about the state of your desk so far!