You can’t change the facts…
I am probably about to lose quite a few readers and people I know in person with this post so bear with me… read it to the end and I REALLY want to know your position on it… so don’t forget to leave your comment. 
I don’t believe in God.
At least not the same way you do. And in 90% of the cases not the same God. Not the limited God we learn to believe at church.
Yes… I have a problem with the church as an institution… Yes… I believe the church is a bankrupt institution, the biggest fail in the past 1800 years give it or take it a few years… and Yes… I am an Ordained Minister having being a pastor for the past 3 years or so.
I am not here to speak about CHURCH today tho, so let me stop here before I get started on the subject.
I am also refraining myself from talking too much about what I believe today.
I am here to talk about fact. To present my case and to know what YOU think.
I was 18 years old when it happened… and it was all because of a broken heart… looking back at it I say it was the most foolish thing I’ve ever done… well at least the most foolish one for the most stupid reason.
Let me rephrase that… the most foolish withn I’ve ever ALMOST did for the most stupid reason ever (what??? you wanna know the reason? I’d been broken up with… the one and only person EVER to brake up with me).
That wasn’t the only reason, but it was the one that made me reach the amount of things I could hold at once in my chest. (I was never one to open myself to anyone about what was going on with me).
It happened over 10 years ago but I remember the episode as if it was yesterday… I got into the house, went to the bathroom’s cabinet, picked up a bottle of aspirin (one of those with 500capsules they sell in the US) and locked myself in my bedroom.
The moment I turned the key I started crying.
Aspirin was my weapon of choice for 2 reasons (I could have chosen the .22 rifle I had inside my wardrobe): 1) I knew that based on my age/size/weight that as little as 20 could have killed me (I had a pot with nearly 500) 2) I am extremely allergic to the Acid Acetilsalisilic which is the main component of aspirin.
You see… I was born and raised in the church (my dad is a Worship Minister/Pastor and mum is a Bishop)… and it doesn’t matter how confused I was about things I had “discovered” (things I always noticed but only then started to make sense) I still had the “Fear of the Almighty” within me.
I made an ultimatum to God… He had 15 minutes to TELL me in a way I would know without doubt WHY should I not kill myself and made a series of questions which I knew I would never in 15 minutes would be able to get responded to me. I took my watch, took off my wrist an turned on the chronometer, opened the bottle and sat looking at it reading myself to have it.
with 15 seconds to spare my phone rang. My first impulse was to ignore it but I answered just for the hell of it.
On the other side was one of my closest friends. What he told me was more proof than I ever dreamed.
“Hi Yuri. I was praying just now and God touched me telling me to call you and tell you… that and that… and that… and that… (THAT meaning every single one of the things I demanded to know)”
So you see… for as much as I loathe the Church I have more than enough reason to believe in God.
And really… I don’t care the name you call Him/Her/It: Jehovah, Gaia, YHWH, Allah, I Am, The Force… There is something or someone out there with a bigger plan than you can thing or imagine.
And don’t start with the whole why doesn’t Got stops catastrophes, Tsunamis etc… they are all part of life.
I still believe God is LIFE.
I am still a believer… I BELIEVE IN LIFE!
How about you????
What do you believe on?????
Comments
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by urbanvox and urbanvox, urbanvox. urbanvox said: I Blogged! Check it out + Comment + subscribe!
: You can't change … http://bit.ly/aQKDD0 #uv [...]
I believe in Jesus Christ and salvation through relationship with Him. I do not believe in the church, and I do not believe in religion. I have personally been burned too many times by Christians. Which is sad. But I also do not believe that you can blame a Creator for his creation when that creation has been given free will. So – what do I believe. Read the first sentence again. But no. I’m not big on religion.
.-= Luschka´s last blog ..Amber Teething Necklace Giveaway =-.
I am
the way
the truth
and the LIFE
.-= urbanvox´s last blog ..You can’t change the facts… =-.
Even though I come from a family which denies the existence of God, I’ve always believed in Him. I prayed as a child, without my parents knowing. It was only whilst I was at University that certain things happened to me, that proved beyond doubt his existence and He guided me and helped me when things were looking bad.
Many of my church-going friends are obsessed or pre-occupied with the Church, when in actual fact a direct relationship with God and a positive, compassionate relationship with those in our lives is what really matters. The more you give to others, the greater the reward. The Church is a politicised organisation; God, on the other hand, is life, the truth and pure love. And, as I’ve said elsewhere on a number of occasions, there is only Love. It is truly all that matters.
wow!!! very well put and I couldn’t agree more!
Thanks for sharing!
.-= urbanvox´s last blog ..You can’t change the facts… =-.
I do believe in God. I do not attend church, for some of the reasons you mentioned above. I don’t believe they are one and the same.
I am so glad He saved you that day. I am so glad you answered the phone!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Melissa, Oh: Cure for the common headache =-.
I am so very happy I did it as well!
As I said… it is indisputable and that time alone was enough proof for me that we are all connected one way or another. I’ll do another post soon about this theory of mine.
it is good to be reminded of things sometimes.
I am so glad your friend phoned! Without you here on earth I may of never met the lovely Vic & the boys and of course you!
I believe in God and always have done since I was little girl. I used to pray at the end of my bed on my knees as I just knew there was a higher power.
When I was 11 and some guys from a local church started a youth group at our school I questioned them about church and they invited me along, I started to go to all the youth stuff and then church on Sundays. It was like I had found everything I had been looking for. I knew I wasn’t crazy to thing there was a higher power!
Over the years I got baptized and felt I was safe and made it my mission to turn my friends into Christians in fear that when I went to heaven they will not be there if they hadn’t accepted God into there lives.
Everything changed when I hit 18 and discovered clubs/alcohol , I was shunned for a lifestyle that I was enjoying I was made to feel bad for exploring the real world. When I told them I was pregnant all the friends, leaders I had known turned there backs on me. That wasn’t the Christian lifestyle I knew and had learnt.
I will be/am a Christian now to the end of my days. But I’m going to do it my way. I may be a unmarried Mother but it doesn’t stop me believing in God/being the Christian I am.
PS.. I tried 3 times to take my life with tablets , each time I increased the dosage and what I took. Nothing worked , I even tried stabbing myself in the hope I would bleed to death.Someone up there obviously wanted me to live.
.-= Emma´s last blog ..The Toddler Years =-.
I believe in purpose…