I haven’t been sleeping much lately… I tend to wake up at some stupid hour in the middle of the night and go wide awake for hours… That doesn’t help at all when I can never seem to be able to go to sleep before 2am anyway…

But that has given me a lot of time to think and examine myself… Or torture myself as I end up doing most of the time anyway… I have an incredible capacity to self-destruct, and I am at my worst when I am at my happiest.

I am the biggest saboteur of great things in my life.

Yeah… It is stupid… I know… And I hate the way my mind works… And in special, I hate the way it affects everyone around me, the people I love the most… Specially as when it does happen I close myself and never let them help pick up the pieces… I don’t know how to let people help me… Yeah… I do open myself when I can’t handle it anymore, but I can count in my fingers of one hand the amount of people that knows how to reach me when that eventually happens.

I NEED to be able to trust people… And I will do it given half a chance… Until a small crack taints that trust and casts doubts over simple things… If I don’t trust you, you won’t know what’s between the lines of the open book that is my life.

I fall in love daily, more than once… and out of love almost at the same speed because of that too…

I love unconditionally… But that is rulled by terms and conditions…

I was talking to Vic the other day… she was surprised about a recent development in my life… After asking me why I hadn’t told her before she thought better and  said she shouldn’t been surprised really as I haven’t really told her much in a long while… Even after a year she still knows me better than most… That made me smile..

My mind is a strange place to be at times…

But I guess we all have this unique crazy little thing that makes us who we are…

I’ve found LOADS of them over the past year or so… Hou about you? What makes you tic? Ever stopped a second to think about that?