To the untrained eye, I might seem like a seasoned dad that actually knows what he’s talking about when the subject is parenthood. THAT cannot be further to the truth…

I mean I wish I was… and God knows I’ve been trying to be Super Dad for the past 5 years!!!

Before the TB was born I didn’t even have patience enough to be around kids for long… That’s one thing parenthood can teach you if you let it… PATIENCE.

Sometimes the “learn on the flight” approach can be far from perfect… and THAT is the main reason why I didn’t complain when Vic TOLD me we were doing pre-natal classes… I mean… what’s the worse that can happen… Right???

In class one we only got to talk about expectations and got to know each other (the other parents-to-be that are doing the same course at the Lavander Child Center)… Fair enough… One expects that intro class to BE boring… but the Midwife giving the course was able to take it to another level of boredness (is that a word???)….

Class Two:

And now comes the interesting bits as we would talk about drugs and other fun stuff (Nope… I am not condoning recreative use of narcotics…) so a NERD that I am I’ve decided to take notes!! Good boy right???? hehehe not exactly…

The notes were kinda like that:

1) Not to self: I forgot the name of the Midwife, but for purposes of Identification refer to “blob”

2) why does she have to use the word “yeah” after every 2 sentences???

3) “I want all to participate, ask questions, yeah? If I am the only one talking talking talking talking things might get a bit boring” Really?? I thought they could NOT get any more boring… Please let me outta here!!

Then she started to tell us about the instruments that would or could be used during labour…

NOW THAT IS THE FUN BIT!!!

Until then I was trying really hard not to fall asleep until she mentioned that they might use an instrument that worked a bit like a plunger to pull the baby out… My over active imagination decided to kick in at that precise moment and the film playing in my head showed “blob” using a plunger to try and suck Lumpy out of Vic… I could not hold myself and started laughing… I think she noticed and cough up with what I was thinking because she took one out of her bag and passed it around showing that it didn’t look like the sort we use to unclog sinks and toilets…  That made me feel a bit better… the thing didn;t have enough sucking capacity to stay glued to my forehead for long and as so it outdated it’s fun potential…

The next cool gadget she showed us was a pain relief thing that uses electric shocks to neutralize birth pain. I thought it was quite a funky little thing and even thought about getting one of those to try and sort my back pain… (I had actually seen one of those in a documentary about forms to combat back pain once… yup… I watch the health channel when I am at the surgerywaiting to be seen… ).

I was curious to know how high could be the current and all… it showed possibility… Of all the dad-and-mums-to-be in there I was the only one that was able to turn the thing on… Too bad it didn’t have enough battery so I could test drive it… It would have been fun…

The next 30 minutes of the class were filled with a video about water birth.

I can only describe it as “Birth Pool Porn”!!!

Not by the fact that person giving birth was naked and showing everything in every possible angle inside the pool accompanied by her naked older daughter… but by the noises she was making… They sounded a LOT MORE like orgasms than like a woman experiencing labour pain… hehehe… Seriously… you can ask Vic about that!!! She’ll confirm what I’m saying…

And I wasn’t the only one that started laughing my ass when someone gave the poor woman a snorkel and she started waving her ass in the air whilst submerging her head in the pool…

I know… I know… I am terrible… Incorrigible and all that… but I have a short attention span… What can I say… hehehe…

Next week we are learning Relaxation and Respiration Technics…

I am sooo looking forward to it!

zya!!!