I am probably about to lose quite a few readers and people I know in person with this post so bear with me… read it to the end and I REALLY want to know your position on it… so don’t forget to leave your comment.

I don’t believe in God.

At least not the same way you do. And in 90% of the cases not the same God. Not the limited God we learn to believe at church.

Yes… I have a problem with the church as an institution… Yes… I believe the church is a bankrupt institution, the biggest fail in the past 1800 years give it or take it a few years… and Yes… I am an Ordained Minister having being a pastor for the past 3 years or so.

I am not here to speak about CHURCH today tho, so let me stop here before I get started on the subject.

I am also refraining myself from talking too much about what I believe today.

I am here to talk about fact. To present my case and to know what YOU think.

I was 18 years old when it happened… and it was all because of a broken heart… looking back at it I say it was the most foolish thing I’ve ever done… well at least the most foolish one for the most stupid reason.

Let me rephrase that… the most foolish withn I’ve ever ALMOST did for the most stupid reason ever (what??? you wanna know the reason? I’d been broken up with… the one and only person EVER to brake up with me).

That wasn’t the only reason, but it was the one that made me reach the amount of things I could hold at once in my chest. (I was never one to open myself to anyone about what was going on with me).

It happened over 10 years ago but I remember the episode as if it was yesterday… I got into the house, went to the bathroom’s cabinet, picked up a bottle of aspirin (one of those with 500capsules they sell in the US) and locked myself in my bedroom.

The moment I turned the key I started crying.

Aspirin was my weapon of choice for 2 reasons (I could have chosen the .22 rifle I had inside my wardrobe): 1) I knew that based on my age/size/weight that as little as 20 could have killed me (I had a pot with nearly 500) 2) I am extremely allergic to the Acid Acetilsalisilic which is the main component of aspirin.

You see… I was born and raised in the church (my dad is a Worship Minister/Pastor and mum is a Bishop)… and it doesn’t matter how confused I was about things I had “discovered” (things I always noticed but only then started to make sense) I still had the “Fear of the Almighty” within me.

I made an ultimatum to God… He had 15 minutes to TELL me in a way I would know without doubt WHY should I not kill myself and made a series of questions which I knew I would never in 15 minutes would be able to get responded to me. I took my watch, took off my wrist an turned on the chronometer, opened the bottle and sat looking at it reading myself to have it.

with 15 seconds to spare my phone rang. My first impulse was to ignore it but I answered just for the hell of it.

On the other side was one of my closest friends. What he told me was more proof than I ever dreamed.

“Hi Yuri. I was praying just now and God touched me telling me to call you and tell you… that and that… and that… and that… (THAT meaning every single one of the things I demanded to know)”

So you see… for as much as I loathe the Church I have more than enough reason to believe in God.

And really… I don’t care the name you call Him/Her/It: Jehovah, Gaia, YHWH, Allah, I Am, The Force… There is something or someone out there with a bigger plan than you can thing or imagine.

And don’t start with the whole why doesn’t Got stops catastrophes, Tsunamis etc… they are all part of life.

I still believe God is LIFE.

I am still a believer… I BELIEVE IN LIFE!

How about you????

What do you believe on?????