Posts Tagged ‘church’

I am probably about to lose quite a few readers and people I know in person with this post so bear with me… read it to the end and I REALLY want to know your position on it… so don’t forget to leave your comment.

I don’t believe in God.

At least not the same way you do. And in 90% of the cases not the same God. Not the limited God we learn to believe at church.

Yes… I have a problem with the church as an institution… Yes… I believe the church is a bankrupt institution, the biggest fail in the past 1800 years give it or take it a few years… and Yes… I am an Ordained Minister having being a pastor for the past 3 years or so.

I am not here to speak about CHURCH today tho, so let me stop here before I get started on the subject.

I am also refraining myself from talking too much about what I believe today.

I am here to talk about fact. To present my case and to know what YOU think.

I was 18 years old when it happened… and it was all because of a broken heart… looking back at it I say it was the most foolish thing I’ve ever done… well at least the most foolish one for the most stupid reason.

Let me rephrase that… the most foolish withn I’ve ever ALMOST did for the most stupid reason ever (what??? you wanna know the reason? I’d been broken up with… the one and only person EVER to brake up with me).

That wasn’t the only reason, but it was the one that made me reach the amount of things I could hold at once in my chest. (I was never one to open myself to anyone about what was going on with me).

It happened over 10 years ago but I remember the episode as if it was yesterday… I got into the house, went to the bathroom’s cabinet, picked up a bottle of aspirin (one of those with 500capsules they sell in the US) and locked myself in my bedroom.

The moment I turned the key I started crying.

Aspirin was my weapon of choice for 2 reasons (I could have chosen the .22 rifle I had inside my wardrobe): 1) I knew that based on my age/size/weight that as little as 20 could have killed me (I had a pot with nearly 500) 2) I am extremely allergic to the Acid Acetilsalisilic which is the main component of aspirin.

You see… I was born and raised in the church (my dad is a Worship Minister/Pastor and mum is a Bishop)… and it doesn’t matter how confused I was about things I had “discovered” (things I always noticed but only then started to make sense) I still had the “Fear of the Almighty” within me.

I made an ultimatum to God… He had 15 minutes to TELL me in a way I would know without doubt WHY should I not kill myself and made a series of questions which I knew I would never in 15 minutes would be able to get responded to me. I took my watch, took off my wrist an turned on the chronometer, opened the bottle and sat looking at it reading myself to have it.

with 15 seconds to spare my phone rang. My first impulse was to ignore it but I answered just for the hell of it.

On the other side was one of my closest friends. What he told me was more proof than I ever dreamed.

“Hi Yuri. I was praying just now and God touched me telling me to call you and tell you… that and that… and that… and that… (THAT meaning every single one of the things I demanded to know)”

So you see… for as much as I loathe the Church I have more than enough reason to believe in God.

And really… I don’t care the name you call Him/Her/It: Jehovah, Gaia, YHWH, Allah, I Am, The Force… There is something or someone out there with a bigger plan than you can thing or imagine.

And don’t start with the whole why doesn’t Got stops catastrophes, Tsunamis etc… they are all part of life.

I still believe God is LIFE.

I am still a believer… I BELIEVE IN LIFE!

How about you????

What do you believe on?????

Heya!

Maybe you  have noticed that I have been a bit absent lately… no posts, no videos, no pics… Loads of twits and a brand new gateway to all the bits @ urbanvox.net (a provisory one as the real new one will be all flashy when it is eventually done… ) yup… loads of new things going on but not a lot of my presence…

It comes with the new year I guess… all new!

All I can say right now is sorry for the absence!  It is all for a good cause!

So… the latest new thing for me are the new adventures of the DIY King (of fools): ME!

If you’ve been following my twits you might have noticed me rambling about builders giving me headaches and decoration and trips to IKEA, and spending money, and a new CWI HUB or even about a MetaNoia Cafe.

Well that’s what’s been keeping me busy and away(ish) from the internet . I never imagined that the details to open the venue of my dreams (just in a smaller scale) would be so  complicated. I can’t wait to have it up and running (but you will hear about it when and as it happens).

The builders have FINALLY moved out! That means that now I can FINALLY move in and get it ready to start receiving people! Ah… BTW… you are more than invited to come and visit us… we have wireless internet avaliable… and even a couple of computers mounted on the walls…

Which brings me to the DIY K(OF) situation: I am picky… and me being picky I didn’t like much what the builders did with the counter… for a start it was on the wrong place (after I told them exactly where I wanted it and HOW!)!!

So I decided to get back home, pick up my tools and MOVE IT MYSELF!

Next step is painting bits that need painting… getting the Image ID elements in and get the furniture/ computers/ studio equipment/ coffee shop stuff and then yayyyy we’re well away!

Too bad I didn’t take any pictures of the “Before”… but the “After” looks A LOT better! hehehe

Even better!!! I didn’t hammer a toe, of shred myself on nails or caused (or participated) on any accident yet!

Me is happy!!! lol!

wow… 2:22am… time to go to bed uh!

I’ll keep u posted!

nite nite!!!!!

zya!

(PS: Monday was OK all things considered! )

… They hate me!!

OK… it might be case of reciprocity… but that is beside the point!

And don’t you come with all that crap about the universe will treat you the same way you will treat it, and think positive and Carpe Diem (or crappy diem as I call Mondays)!!

The worst thing is… It wasn’t always like that. Once upon a time me and Monday were best friends! I couldn’t wait to see Monday arrive and in return Monday would make me sooo very happy! What happened to the old me? IS that all that’t left? A Grumpy Old Man?

Once upon a time I used to be shames less in love with what I did all day… Today… Today I have no idea what it is that I do all day… apart from feeling uninspired that is… specially on Mondays when the dreadful prospect of a whole new week finally hits home! It is not that I don’t know what I would like to be doing… it is just that I’ve started something (even not being what I signed up for) and I have this AWFUL problem… I can’t admit defeat… Even tho what I am doing is not what I was set out to do… I just can’t

So what do I do??

I was not born to be a pastor… I don’t have what it takes to lead a church… I don’t mind talking to people, teaching and motivating them as long as I don’t have to permanently lead them. The skills are there… but the passion isn’t. Have you ever done anything without passion? It doesn’t matter how you approach it, it somehow sounds wrong… makes you think “what the hell am I doing here???”. Am I wrong?

I have nothing of what it is required from a pastor… I am not patient enough with people. I am a fire-starter… not the guy that nurtures it so it burns all night… I HATE religion (or religiosity) and I hate tradition! (sorry mum… I do hate tradition and ceremonies etc and I believe I have told you that before… I know you don;t read my blog… but out of respect… sorry… : ) )

I want to go back to plan A… you think it would still be possible??? I SOOOOSOO SOOOOO hope so!

Crap… when I started writing this post it was intended to be funny! Somehow my funny bone has disappeared along the paragraphs!

anyways… gotta run… stuff to do…

zya!!!!!

… we’re looking for houses again…

After spending the past 2 years in our current flat we have now agreed that it is time to move camp!

Exciting from one side… New house… starting fresh etc etc etc… even if moving just from Wimbledon to South Wimbledon (or so we hope)… but hey… this time we’re looking for a house… with a backyard… yay!

Still bloody difficult… specially knowing how fussy Vic can be… lol… We’ve got a couple of VERY good runner ups already tho… and things are actually looking good as they seem to be lower in price than our current flat! Which is great!

Let’s just hope this time around things are not as stressful as they were when we moved from the Metro Central Heights! Every time we move I want to believe it will be the last time… but I do know for a fact that there is no such thing in London… lol… the idea of starting to pack all our stuff gives me the hibbie jibbies!

On a brighter note…

Things are looking great @ Crossed Waves!!! We’ve been offered a meeting room, in central London in Tottenham Court Road Station (actually inside of the station @ exit 4 to be more precise), completely free of charge! The place is not great or enormous… we can feet about 20 people there comfortably, but for what we need it not, it is PERFECT! We call it THE UNDERGROUND HUB! hehehe Loving it!!!! Big plans, big plans!

OK… gotta run… loads to do!

zya!